Little Nudges, Tiny Steps, and Leaps of Faith

It's been an extremely long time since I've blogged or written anything more than e-mails to parents (which aren't that fun to write.)  But, I know that the only way to be a writer is to write. To write often.  And to write without editing oneself.  Because even as I write I'm thinking about how it should sound and how it could sound better, etc, etc, etc rather than just letting the words fall on the page like raindrops falling on the sidewalk. 

So here's what I've been thinking...  The past few weeks/months I've been pleasantly surprised by receiving royalty/consignment checks in the mail for my book.  Now, to be fair, these books have been out in bookstores for months (years) but it seems that all of a sudden, I'm getting paid.  Don't get too excited - these are not large amounts by any means.  But, I'm not going to complain about unexpected money. 

In addition to money in the mail (which is always fun) I received a letter from the Highlights Foundation about writing workshops that they hold in Honesdale, PA.  While I wasn't exactly invited to attend with all expenses paid (I wish!) it was cool that because of my experience with Highlights, I was somehow put on a list to receive this information about all of the awesome writing workshops with serious authors at a beautiful barn in Pennsylvania.  (Kind of like Walden Pond.) 

Most recently (as in, a few days ago) I received another e-mail from Highlights replying to a few ideas I submitted a long time ago (probably last summer.)  They are interested in possibly buying a few of my activities - provided I make some adjustments, corrections, and resubmissions.  Again, nothing for real yet, but they are interested and gave me positive feedback (heck - any feedback at all is great!) 

All of these things feel like tiny nudges that perhaps I should be doing something else with my career.  This year has been one of the most difficult and trying years of my professional career and personal life.  I have questioned whether I am cut out to be a teacher these days.  Things have changed so much since I was last in the classroom.  Having two kiddos is exhausting, but having a full-time job AND two kids is even more exhausting.  Compounding the problem is the fact that middle school behavior and toddler/preschool behavior are exactly the same.  The only difference between age 2 and age 12 is the number 1.  Seriously.  I deal with sassy behavior at school and then sassy behavior at home and I'm just done. 

So I look at all of these little these things that have been happening with my writing and I think, "Well, is this God's way of nudging me in this direction?"  Because I'm not that good with reading signs from God.  Little nudges are hard to decipher.  It's too bad God doesn't use gigantic signs like he used to in the Old Testament.  I couldn't miss a talking, burning bush or a giant hand writing on the wall.  I'm also not good with taking risks.  I'm just not a risk taker.  I don't like risks.  I don't like not knowing what's going to come next.  I don't like having things not planned.  Sometimes when people start whole new careers they literally quit their previous job and take a leap of faith that their new job will work out.  I don't know if I can do that. 

Perhaps I'll just start with tiny steps.  After June 11 I will no longer be employed (my teaching contract was only a one year thing.)  I will continue to look for teaching positions in the upper elementary grades, but in the meantime I plan on writing and resubmitting and applying for a scholarship for the Highlights Foundation workshop.  There's also a contest in Guideposts magazine that I'm considering.  And I plan to write.  And write.  And take small baby steps and watch out for other little nudges that God gives me.  Because even in the tiny steps and little nudges, I have faith that things will work out they way they are suppose to.